Sons of Dragons - Book 1: The Road of Kyle

[glandowski]

Sons of Dragons - Book 1: The Road of Kyle

Preview link to read some. Regards

[spudmonkey]

Welcome to the forums!

This isn't going to sound overly positive, but whilst other people may like the style of writing I always find it grating when reading a book that attempts to effectively narrate the story as if it is happening there and then. For example

"Private Kyle Evans has to wait for troopers storing gear before he can attempt to squeeze by."

to me doesn't read as well as

"Private Kyle Evans waited for the troopers to finish storing their gear before squeezing through the confined space."

If you were writing this from a first person perspective then the style you have written this in would flow better, but for a third person based narration you should probably be using a past-present style as you are telling their story, not sitting behind a camera watching things unfold as they happen

[Sanderlee]

Hate to say it, but I agree with Spud. The narrative style turned me off before I finished the first page.

You know what they say "You had me at hello" can also be "you lost me at hello."

[glandowski]

That's cool - it's my first so a learning experience. I thought that it might have more energy to write it that way but your comments reflect a good number of others. It's a heck of a lot harder to write it that way also!

I think this has pretty much convinced me to do future books as you've mentioned.

Thanks so much for the feedback - every little bit helps.

Cheers & Regards

[Sanderlee]

Originally Posted by glandowski

That's cool - it's my first so a learning experience. I thought that it might have more energy to write it that way but your comments reflect a good number of others. It's a heck of a lot harder to write it that way also!

I think this has pretty much convinced me to do future books as you've mentioned.

Thanks so much for the feedback - every little bit helps.

Cheers & Regards

Not a problem at all. Writing is work ... if it wasn't, everyone would do it!
I, like you, have experimented with different forms of narration when writing. There is something to be said for the old adage that nothing worthwhile comes easy. Sometimes, however, you must also question if the extra work necessary really results in a better product. I applaud your willingness to experiment and play with the "accepted" form. If nothing else, it taught you (and me, and anyone else who read it) what not to try!

Keep up with the writing--good story-tellers are hard to find.

[glandowski]

Thanks - since it would be quite a bit of work to re-edit (not that I am afraid) I had three requests by reviewers for copies. So I sent those out and I have decided that I will either re-release or not based on their combined input. I have sufficient feedback from kind people like you and others that have sufficiently muddied the water enough that I'm back on the fence.

Another reason to do the revision is that I think I will try to back my book out of the Amazon black hole - it will automatically knock $8 USD off the price and I think I'd rather make the book more affordable than visible.

Will let you know how it goes and thanks again for the words/support.

Regards

[glandowski]

Spoke with the publisher and was able to figure out a way to get the price down a whole $10 USD! Hopefully that will help people - I really hated their distribution package markup.

Based on your feedback and some thinking I'm probably going to do a version 2.0 of this in past tense. It only makes sense since no one has ever said "I can't/won't read it because it is in the Past tense..."

Thanks again for pointing this out to me.

Cheers & Regards

[spudmonkey]

You're welcome! Good luck with the rewrite

[ProfKSergeev]

Yo Gabriel. Tried reading your book, but after getting to page nine and seeing fourteen dedications and acknowledgements and being beaten on the head countless times by the title and your lovely name, I closed the window. It also did not bode well that your other foray into writing was a book on Miniature Gaming. I would leave that off altogether, although doing so may alienate your core audience.

[glandowski]

Oops - too late!

Re-write is done. Painful editing done. More editing. Editing again ( how the heck did I miss *that*...) Anyway...

Now an eBook - 100% Online

Sons of Dragons - Book 1: The Road of Kyle
Gabriel Landowski

As always your input is appreciated!

Cheers & Enjoy