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Published by Progenitor 11-25-2006 | ||||||||||||||
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By
Spry
on
11-26-2006, 08:34 AM
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| I like it. I found myself more absorbed in the backstory and would love to hear more about that. Overall I liked it, but I found it a bit rushed when the captain was speaking and I feel you should take more time out to describe the chaos surrounding the ship, Captain and Crew to give it that more, urgent and frightful feelt. |
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By
mental|plate
on
11-26-2006, 09:48 AM
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| Wow this is nice, like spry sad the back story is very cool! |
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By
Progenitor
on
11-26-2006, 05:54 PM
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| Well, here's more of the backstory for you people then. ![]() Chapter 2 Final sunrise Out across the serene fields you could see trees swaying along with the wind, as sunlight played across the plains and the sweet smell of spring plucked at your senses. It was almost like home - half a century ago that is. No matter how much the Mercurian architects had worked on the artificial environment onboard the Colony Vessels, one could always see through the haze surrounding the borders. Metallic pillars as high as the eye could see lay shimmering as the artificial sun played its brilliance across the landscape - breaking the illusion of planetbound life. But such analysis and homesickness would never apply to someone as young as Joel Hessmith. Born in 2223 onboard the first colony vessels ever built by the Terran Hegemony, long before the Declaration of Expansion - he had never set foot on a planet before... Fortunate, some considered it to be... "...now who can tell me why the colonization of Mars was delayed for 15 years in the second Expansion Era?" Sarah, the history teacher for the district of Hesseltorn on the THS Casablanca inquired to the class of 20 pupils. "There she goes again, she's been asking that question for over 5 times this week now...", Jess Regardi - close friend of Joel Hessmith - commented not that softly. "Well it isn't that surprising considering the situation we're in now, what with the war with the Jovians and all..." Joel argued. "What was that Joel?" Sarah called out across the classroom. "Oh, its nothing. The Martian colonisation was delayed due to the fact that..umm..the Jovians didn't want us Terrans so close to them?" Joel answered tentatively, not sure what he remembered was exactly the way history had been. "Partially correct Joel, now why don't we all engage our VR learning systems to enjoy a slice of history?" Sarah commented as she rounded back to he table and took out the VR helmet. "Not a bad decision, nice job Joel.." Jess whispered with a smile before her face was covered by the opaque faceplate of the VR helmet. *** VR education system engaging... All systems nominal, memory modules at 100% efficiency... Accessing "The early years of the 23rd century" The year was 2209, and Mankind has spread himself across the solar system. With solar powerplants covering most of Mercury and Geothermal and chemical reactors littering the Venusian landscape, the power consumption had never been as satiated for the Terran Hegemony in history. The absorption of the Venusian Federation 2 years before had been a wise decision for both the Hegemony Exarch, and the Venusian President. With Terran economic might flowing into Venus and Mercury, and unparalleled solar power infusing the industrial superpower that is the Terran Hegemony - things couldn't look better for the Inner planets, and plans were made for the recolonisation of Mars. That is, until contact with the Jovians were made. *** "Select the icon for the Jovian history, I think we all need to study that more closely for now." Sarah's voice cut through the ongoing audio and visual experience like a hot knife through butter. "Aww man, I always hoped that she would let us research on the Martian Crisis...the Jovian History database only references it in tiny percents..." Jess whispered through the intra-system communicator built into every VR headset. "It's taboo to even speak of it Jess, it's a wonder that the icon and database for the incident is there in the first place." Joel muttered as he swiveled the pointer with his eye movements and blinked to select the desired icon. *** Accessing "The Jovian Confederacy - Birth of an Empire" The Jovian Confederacy was born out of the tragedy that was the Martian Crisis. With an isolationalistic ideology borne from the... *** The sonic boom of the impact tore the headset from Joel's shoulders, and flinging him into the adjacent wall with so much force that he could feel his shoulder joint dislocate. The classroom had collapsed... "WHAT THE HELL WHAT THAT! EARTHQUAKE?" Joel shouted uncontrollably as his shoulder burnt with the pain of a thousand needles. "Quiet down! It's probably just a malfunction of the stabilizers...." Jess said as she clamped her hand over Joel's mouth, ignoring the pain as the bloody gash up her palm connected with Joel's gritted teeth. "My God..." Someone muttered next to them, causing them to turn their heads in unison to the shattered remains of the right window. Through the huge gash in the wall they could see that the artificial habitat had been shattered. Holographic fields that once provided the Colony vessel with the artificial sunlight and sky had been devastated by the impact, and now only the shimmering shield matrix of the vessel held the deadly vacuum of the void at bay. Beyond the shimmer, well, that was something darker. Photonic bursts and countless flashes of light could be seen peppering the darkness of space as weapons fire were exchanged between the multitude of warships around the sector. Unnervingly close passes from Terran ships on escort could be seen as they slashed across the light emitted from the gash on the Colony ship's hull. An explosion sounded nearby, and Joel returned to reality. "We have an escape shuttle prepped up and ready on the spaceport! Everyone get the hell outta here before the shields go down!" The mechanised voice of the soldier that just blew a hole in slammed into the stunned ears of the surviving students as they were helped out of the debris. Joel was floating in and out of consciousness even as he was carried out of the collapsed building and hauled into the shuttle, and as his limp body was pressed into the cushioned chair by the launching shuttle - the last thing he saw was the slowly retreating view of the Colony vessel THS Casablanca, and the sweet face of Jess as she bent over beside him when the acceleration dwindled. "You okay?" And then the light of a million suns burnt from behind her head as the Casablanca exploded - hit by a fusion missile - faster than the polarised and shielded windows could react... |
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By
mental|plate
on
11-26-2006, 06:59 PM
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| niceeee, moreeeeeeeeeee! |
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