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| Science Fiction Writers forum This are is for those of you who like to write scifi or create a history or backstory as part or your design process |
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By
Sanderlee
on
12-17-2006, 04:44 PM
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| Okay ... here's the thing. I'm attaching the ninth draft of the prologue now. I'd really like some constructive criticism, folks. Specifically on: a) Characters -- their dialogue, their portrayal. i.e. - do they have a "sense of self." b) Language -- do you like the style in which it's written. Too much dialogue? Needs more prose? c) Story -- does this intrigue you? If this were the first chapter (well, prologue chapter) of a book--and I intend it to be one--would you keep reading? If not, what does it need. And yes, there's going to be an "action sequence" in the first chapter that will both grab the attention AND further expand on the social realities of the Sansterran Contract. d) Anything else you'd like to comment on. PLEASE NOTE: the prologue is not quite finished. There are a couple of terms highlighted in red that need replacing (they're place-holders) and there's one more scene to write at the end: the "we're going home" scene. I figure once those are written, I'll have this locked down around Draft 12 or so. So, please, comments?  Sanderlee. |
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By
efritsch
on
01-22-2007, 11:34 PM
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| Well, I've read it. A) The characters are believable enough. I found no fault there. B) There are some minor descriptive corrections that I would make but it's not my story and they are big enough to detract from the flow of the text. C) Here's where I have bad news for you. Based soley on the scene presented to me in the 10 pages there, I'm really not pulled in enough to want to keep reading. The tech decsriptions are very good, but the overall story line is vague to me. I need something that grabs my attention, something happens where I need to know what happens next. Good writing style though. |
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By
Sanderlee
on
01-23-2007, 03:04 PM
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| No problem with the bad news ... considering the resounding LACK of comments I'd gotten to this point I figured that was the issue. I'm doing a substantial rework of the back-story, history and tech-bible before I return to writing (rewriting) this story. If nothing else, I'm having fun playing with the technical details! ... alas, however, the vaguely Tholian shaped Scimitar is losing its facets and foils in the process. While cool looking, the design was proving fundamentally unworkable in too many respects ... Sanderlee. |
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By
Sanderlee
on
01-23-2007, 03:06 PM
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| Quote:
Thanks again. | |
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By
efritsch
on
01-24-2007, 03:14 AM
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| Sorry, that should be Aren't big enough to detract. I don't remember the exact ones, but there weren't many. Basically, it was simply a difference of writing style. I would have used different adjectives in some places but in no way did it make anything unreadable or not understandable. |
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