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Last flight of the Valkryie
Published by Lord Ravensburg
09-03-2006
Last flight of the Valkryie

The following transcript was taken from a voice recorder found in the wreckage of the Sol System Alliance Frigate Valkryie…

[Beginning]



How the hell could this happen?
What a mess this turned out to be.
Well I guess I should introduce myself…. I am Ford Tessone, Captain of the Valkryie, a frigate in the Sol System Alliance Outer Rim Fleet. Which, by the way, now lays in ruin, because of a very nasty little surprise given to us by some bug- eyed gray skinned mini dwarf freaks. The Core worlders called them “Greys”, saidthat there has been stories about them for centuries…going all the way back to the 1950’s with abductions and such. Guess no ones laughing now. Well, lets get on with it, the airs getting a little thin in here.


The date is May 15 2156 and the time is about Oh…. who gives a ****….
Anyway, lets see, you’ll probably wondering how this all came about. 42.5
years ago or so, a waitress named Kelly Tessone met a man who
remains “unnamed” . . . yeah, TMI.

Anyhow, this all really started about 100 yrs ago when man reached out and touched the stars. That’s too much of a history lesson though, and I’m not a teacher and don’t really have the time to get into it.


* Metal groaning *


***** this thing is falling apart. Ok, back to it…our long-range scanners out
by the Pluton…who the **** came up with Pluton anyway? **** it, I’m dying,
I’ll call it whatever the **** I want… the long-range scanners around planet
Quaorar. Its a large roughly spherical hunk of rock orbiting the sun, to
me, that’s a planet.


* Sighs *


The scanners picked up a large object heading for the out post at 2002
AW197. It was just a deep space science platform, but the fleet sent out a
small group of vessels to check it out.


At full thrust in hyperspace it should only take 2 hrs to reach the out
post. .5 hrs into their trip, a transmission was received from the outpost. It
was an automated distress message. What was weird was that it didn’t
repeat, just one shot and that was it. When the ships got to
where the station was supposed to be, the only thing they found was
some “dust” and a few I-beams. They poked around for a while then turned
around and came home. Reports were filed and stories told, but nothing really
came of it. I believe they said it was an asteroid, but I heard that the I-
beams had energy burns on them. Asteroids don’t do that.

So, a couple of days later, the same long-range scanners pick up another
large object heading for a resupply station in our area. Another small fleet
was sent out, but before they could get there the object reached the station.
This time there was no distress signal. When the fleet got to the station
again all they found was “dust” and I-beams. What’s with the damn I-beams
anyway? The fleet poked around a little and then returned. Filed reports, told
stories.

The official story was another “rogue” asteroid. COME ON! ONE MAYBE, I
CAN BUY THAT, BUT TWO, NO WAY IN HELL!
We all really knew what was going on…


* Metal groaning*


****! That was a little too close for comfort. Man is the air stale. We all
knew what was going on. We just didn’t think it was little gray aliens. Don’t
know what I’m talking about, get a history book ‘cause I’m not going over it.
Some of the other Captains and Admirals decided to take on
extra patrols of the area where these “asteroids” seem to be originating from.


The Hiemdall and Valkryie were sent out with maybe four other ships to a
asteroid belt near the second “incident”. The Atlas the Earths
new “battlewagon” and three Cruisers, the Andromeda, the Solace, and the
Syprus. Such fine ships…truly a pity. Oops getting ahead of myself, then
again if your listening to this you probably already know what’s happened.

Now back to the issue at hand.


*Clank, grinding metal*


Crap, not much time left. Ok, about an hr after we set out the fleet
received an encrypted COM from Admiral Gleason stating that there was
another object, and this time it was heading for the Inner Core. Admiral
Martin ordered all available ships to intercept. We got to the intercept point
about 15 minuets before the object was to pass.

Then a Hyper-Space window opened up and four capital ships emerged. The ships were about the size of heavy cruisers about 550 meters long. They
looked almost organic in nature, smooth and slender. The vessels had dorsal
weapons in plain site…there was no misunderstanding what these ships were
built for. Also, along the keel of the hull there was something that vaguely
resembled our own Tessla cannon.

The COM crackled to life and Admiral Martin ordered all ships to pick a target
and fire. The Atlas was the first to unleash, filling the void with a bluish violet glow as its 20 dorsal plasma cannons pummeled the lead ship. I ordered my weaps officer (Ltcol Foster) to charge the Tessla cannon and target the closest ship. The ship began to shimmy a little bit as the weapon charged to full strength. It’s quite a different sensation, having your ship rumble underneath you…when the weapon fired there was a slight hum and then we saw the beam. It was perfectly cylindrical and a brilliant bluish white. When it struck the enemy vessel our sensors picked up a large power surge from the target and then it simply was cut in half. The Atlas fired a final salvo on the lead ship and it was set a fire and drifting.

The third vessel fired a salvo from its dorsal batteries and struck the Solace with a broad side, knocking its shields down. The final vessel fired an energy beam from its keel weapon and the Solace was vaporized. The only thing left of her was dust and a few I-beams. Again with the I-beams… The Hiemdall returned fire with its Tessla cannon and had similar results to ours, with the enemy being laid to waste. The final ship began to make a run for it. The Andrameda and the Syprus began firing their main rail cannons scoring hit after hit. But before we could finish it off it opened a hyperspace window and slipped away.



Mourning the loss of the Solace we limped back to base. We were
received as heroes. Well the capital ships were anyway. Figures, we do
most of the work, accounting for two of the three kills. But hey, they get the
party and we get the patrol duty. Anyway. All our after action reports were
confiscated and we were placed under a gag order by the high command.
What the hell is going on here?


* Grinding noises, loud bang *


Man this thing is getting bad…there cant be much left of her now. And man
is the air getting nasty. Guess is should kinda skip to the end here…Ok the
next morning we got a transmission from the fleet command, they wanted us
to go back out the battle site and start picking through the wreckage and
learn what ever we could about the enemy. About an hour later we were
scanning one of the hulks for life signs.


Ltcol Foster told me that nothing was moving and that he found a body
floating amongst the wreckage. I told him to get it aboard and to meet Doc
Mason and I in the sick bay when he got back. After about a half an hour
Foster returned with this “thing”. Doc had a look at it and told us to come
back later. Old Doc was always a little creepy when it came to autopsies.
Likes to be alone. I told him to get the report in my hands asap. His
characteristic “YEAH…. YEAH” was the last thing I ever heard him say.


*Loud Crash *


Oh ****! That can’t be good. Better hurry this up a little more. While
Doc…. what’s his name…**** my mind…is starting to go. Must be the lack of
suitable air. While Doc was doing his thing, we got a transmission from fleet
command to get our tails back at best possible speed because the long-range
scanners picked up another “object” heading towards the fleet base on the
outer rim of the asteroid belt. I ordered the helm to…to…to set course and
open a hyperspace window.


We were about half way 5 minutes away when we started getting broken
transmissions from the COM. Admiral Martin was calling all ships to battle
stations. The COM operator Ensign O’Connor patched it through the ships
MC. * Crackle…attle stati…s…react…s to ….ull. Alpha wing…Lead vessel….
HOLY GOD!!!!!…Crackle * then the COM died out and I saw a look of doom fall
upon the crew. I ordered all weapons systems to full power and shields to
max.


* Clank…hiss…Grinding metal *


CRAP!


When we exited hyperspace…. what we saw…It was, just as if hell had
opened up and spewed forth its fire and brimstone. Hulks were drifting
everywhere a blaze and more I-beams… I saw the Atlas in the mist of the
heaviest fighting. She was holding her own against three of the enemy ships,
but she was taking a beating. I ordered the helm to put us in between the
Atlas and the closest ship and to target the ship to the Atlas’s stern with the
Tessla cannon. It worked just like before and cut the thing in half. Then
another explosion as the Atlas’s big guns finished off another of the enemy
ships.

Just then another hyperspace window opened and 3 Saratoga class
carriers emerged, guns blazing and fighter/bombers blotting out the stars.
Then another explosion, and the Atlas was gone. Reduced to a blazing hulk.
Another hyperspace window opened and this time the re-enforcements
weren’t ours. A seemingly endless stream of enemy ships poured into the
battle. The Sara was the next to fall, followed by the Hiemdall and the
Andromeda. I ordered all batteries to fire and one of the enemy ships
exploded to a luminous golden ball of death.



* Grinding noise *


Come on hold together… The next thing I know I’m on the floor and there is
smoke and flames. I struggled to my feet and ordered Foster to return fire.
Another ship exploded and the concussion wave struck us and sent the crew
flying all over. I sent out the abandon ship command but no one moved from
his or her stations. Foster returned fire with the Tessla cannon right before
his panel exploded and killed him. I sounded the abandon ship again, this time
people began to move. On the way out of the Bridge we were struck by
another volley, and the fire doors slammed shut, trapping me in my current
predicament. I’m stuck here because some smartass engineer decided it would
be a good idea to put the main escape route and the Main fire doors in the
same spot. Now I know about the whole “captain going down with the ship”
thing but I prefer the “live to fight another day” thing.



* Grinding noise, air rushing *


****! This is it…Tell….my…*gasp*…wife…and …Kids…I…Lov….*Crash, clank,

static*


[end]

On a footnote. The Fleet Command issued a statement. “In the matter of

the latest incident. The official findings were that an asteroid struck the

base and the resulting pulse from the reactors going critical caused the

destruction of the Outer rim fleet ships moored at the station.

The “recording” is a falsified report and is to be disregarded.
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ok, now what?!
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Find the A$$ end of nowhere and i'm just north of it...
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  #1 (permalink)  
By Sanderlee on 09-03-2006, 11:03 PM
This story has the potential to grab me. I like the "last will and testament" aspect to it.

However - presentation!!!!

These forums do not easily lend themselves to a readable format for prose. Considerable effort is necessary to adapt common punctuation and presentation (especially paragraphing) over to these forums.

Your story warrants that effort, Raven. I'd love to take another crack at this baby when it's been reformatted (if you chose to do so). As it stands, it made my eyes wince.

Sanderlee
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  #2 (permalink)  
By Lord Ravensburg on 09-04-2006, 01:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanderlee View Post
This story has the potential to grab me. I like the "last will and testament" aspect to it.

However - presentation!!!!

These forums do not easily lend themselves to a readable format for prose. Considerable effort is necessary to adapt common punctuation and presentation (especially paragraphing) over to these forums.

Your story warrants that effort, Raven. I'd love to take another crack at this baby when it's been reformatted (if you chose to do so). As it stands, it made my eyes wince.

Sanderlee
Thank you for the feedback...I have went back and tried to break up the story into more managable pieces...the white text and black background make my eyes want to jump out of there sockets... Give another go if you wish. Always willing to take constructive crits..
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  #3 (permalink)  
By Sanderlee on 09-04-2006, 05:38 AM
There's a definite voice here. Your pacing very strikingly resembles that of a man rushing to record a message before it's too late ... which is exactly what you intended to do I'd imagine.

There are a few pacing issues involving long paragraphs. I know you're using the gradual demolition of the ship around Our Hero to break up the information, but a few paragraph breaks wouldn't hurt either. They could even be used to simulate his taking a labored breath now and then.

Grammar could use some work. A good idea (one I practice anyway) is to read your work out loud. Any time you stop, stutter, stumble or otherwise feel uncomfortable during the reading you've found an error in your writing. It may simply be a phrase that doesn't work, it's more likely a serious structural error.

Spelling and punctuation (especially comma usage) could use some attention as well.

But those are structural issues. The flavor and essence of the story are good. Keep it up - and practice them structural thingies!!

Sanderlee.
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  #4 (permalink)  
By nhall on 09-04-2006, 08:37 AM
Boy howdy... If I were the Captain in that story, and I knew what fleet command was gonna do with my last words. I'd have to take a page outta Red vs. Blue -- "That's it, your ass is so haunted" That ain't cool of them.

Cheers,
Nick
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  #5 (permalink)  
By Lord Ravensburg on 09-05-2006, 04:38 PM
yeah i thought that was pretty ****ty of them as well, but hey that beuarcy for yah...fixed some more of the formatting errors...will refine the grammatical stuff allittle later.. thanks for all the feedback... enjoy!
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  #6 (permalink)  
By Sanderlee on 09-05-2006, 04:56 PM
Nice job on the formating - helps the pacing of the story.

Keep it up.

Sanderlee.
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  #7 (permalink)  
By Safe@2nd on 10-21-2007, 03:51 AM
Excellent stuff!! I'd like to know more of the larger picture now.
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